Most days, I do my best to be positive. Since becoming a mom, a lot of things that I used to think were major have now become inconsequential in the grand scheme of things - things like skiving from school and being told that I should never pass on a social event. With some experience, we all know that we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff. But what happens when the big things fail to materialise and it feels like all your efforts have gone a plunder?
This past week was rough. It was one of those weeks that just didn’t pan out the way I had hoped and the big things that I was waiting for all failed to come through - all, and all at once. The worst part is that no one else seemed to understand the depth of my heartbreak. They tried to, I’m sure of it. But it was one of those times when I felt alone no matter how much everyone tried to be there.
On Saturday morning, I began my day with the mundane task of updating my phone and felt the arcane desire to look through old videos on my computer. I found one of Zola sitting down on the grass along a sidewalk, picking up leaves and watching the ants go by. Her smile made me smile and I ended up clicking through video after video. Then I realised, I wasn’t going to let one week of disappointment take away the joy, fulfilment and grace that has surrounded my life in the last three years.
Sometimes the heat of disappointment can blind us from the goodness that is around us. When that happens, we have to do our best to step back and take a different perspective. It’s isn’t always easy but if we achieve it, life will start looking brighter again.